A Green Season

I've been trying to use this space to write meaningful, inspiring, thought provoking ideas but it doesn't always happen that way. Sometimes I just need to write. I need to put my thoughts down because my brain has been overworked with difficulties, emotions, and unpleasing thoughts. I can't seem to sort out my thoughts within my own ability but to just put them down and talk myself through them. I have been put in a position in loving those who are difficult to love. Being easily frustrated and angry has become hard to be without falling into sin. My attitude has been everything but pleasing. That goes with everything that comes out of my mouth, my thoughts, my wicked intentions, and my actions. All these things because I'm dealing with jealousy (I didn't think I ever could be) I couldn't even figure out what the feeling was called because very rarely am I jealous. I've been nothing but anxious to leave where we are and have our own home. That way I can keep my home how I want it. Have over who I want over. Have our own rules. Just do whatever, whenever. The challenges since we've been living with the rents has put me in a place where I've had to do a character check. I'm being taught and tested, which is a great place to be when God is trying to reveal the unpleasing things within you only to bring forth fruit. I don't think any kind of "good" fruit has been produced just yet. I need all the prayers I can get. On a brighter note. There have been those joyful days within my trial. That is that another set of twins will be becoming apart of our lives. I am so excited for our adored ones in St. Paul. I always figured it takes a really called person to have twins. Only the ones that can handle it can join. Those my friends are not my words. I'm always humbled to think that God gave me such a big responsibility to be the caretaker of 4 children. I know I can within his strength. I fear to know that I am held accountable for the rearing, teaching, love, nurturing of my kids. It's a task. But, nothing that can't be accomplished correctly. As we speak, I am only eager to see green all over. A new season is what we need. Especially those who have had a difficult and event-filled one.