fear and hope all wrapped together

There is a point in a mothers life when your child is harmed. There will be many of these. Some will cause us to freak out more then others. I've had maybe three in the years of being a mom of four. One recently, had me to the point of begging God not to take any of my kids so soon because that would be one thing, I'm certain, I could not withstand. My kids or the one whom I love, my husband. The storms that we think we can't survive are the ones the LORD puts us in. If it's only to assure and remind us that GOD is big and faithful that there's nothing we can't withstand if we only put our trust in Him. So easy to remember but so often we forget. We're surrounded by a corrupt world where people are telling others, "You can't." " It's not enough." "It can't be done." Those are people who put God in a box and refuse to allow Him to change their lives.

Nevertheless, my son is fine. Banged up to say the least. Sometimes we just learn the hard things the hard way. I bet you couldn't get him to repeat the same incident for a bucketful of ice cream with candy on it. I am so blessed with having much. My magnificent husband. Beautiful kids. Loving people in my life, who without them, I would miss out on experiencing love, agape love. Although, not forgetting that Jesus always pursues this type of love towards me. I can't imagine living life without experiencing it from my brothers and sisters whom my heart is captured by.

We're in a place in our lives where we're deciding on being homeowners or renters. We are have our eyes on a particular home in a town we always knew God would lead us to. It seems rather perfect. But I do try and remind myself not to be too anxious. As Philippians 4:6 says ""Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God..." I have no doubts that the LORD has His good and perfect will for us. As a matter of fact, that is my and my husbands desire, is to be in His will.

I look ahead towards the things of God. Some days are better then others. Whether or not I have complete quiet time with the LORD various day by day. But, within my soul there's always a prayer to to prayed, blessings to be thankful for, sin to confess, and most importantly, His name always being professed as my Lord and Savior.

A Green Season

I've been trying to use this space to write meaningful, inspiring, thought provoking ideas but it doesn't always happen that way. Sometimes I just need to write. I need to put my thoughts down because my brain has been overworked with difficulties, emotions, and unpleasing thoughts. I can't seem to sort out my thoughts within my own ability but to just put them down and talk myself through them. I have been put in a position in loving those who are difficult to love. Being easily frustrated and angry has become hard to be without falling into sin. My attitude has been everything but pleasing. That goes with everything that comes out of my mouth, my thoughts, my wicked intentions, and my actions. All these things because I'm dealing with jealousy (I didn't think I ever could be) I couldn't even figure out what the feeling was called because very rarely am I jealous. I've been nothing but anxious to leave where we are and have our own home. That way I can keep my home how I want it. Have over who I want over. Have our own rules. Just do whatever, whenever. The challenges since we've been living with the rents has put me in a place where I've had to do a character check. I'm being taught and tested, which is a great place to be when God is trying to reveal the unpleasing things within you only to bring forth fruit. I don't think any kind of "good" fruit has been produced just yet. I need all the prayers I can get. On a brighter note. There have been those joyful days within my trial. That is that another set of twins will be becoming apart of our lives. I am so excited for our adored ones in St. Paul. I always figured it takes a really called person to have twins. Only the ones that can handle it can join. Those my friends are not my words. I'm always humbled to think that God gave me such a big responsibility to be the caretaker of 4 children. I know I can within his strength. I fear to know that I am held accountable for the rearing, teaching, love, nurturing of my kids. It's a task. But, nothing that can't be accomplished correctly. As we speak, I am only eager to see green all over. A new season is what we need. Especially those who have had a difficult and event-filled one.

That Jesus Kind of Peace

Apparently my feelings had control over my day today. Sadly, but true. Although, I managed to make it better then letting it get worse. I woke up "feeling" irritated, lazy, slighty frustrated. You would think I would know to bend my knees and ask the Lord for peace. Heart and mind. I did not (right away). I think it took me up until mid-day sometime to grasp the idea that I probably should be in prayer. Like I said in my previous post. Me lacking time with Jesus is visiable to all who live with me and come around me. My heart goes out to my kids who have to witness my meltdowns. Ugh! It's pretty gross...my attitude. I'm useless as a mother when I allow my emotions get to me. Gladly, I requested that a sister of mine keep me accountable to the things that I needed to do so I could stop being lazy.

As three of the four kids were napping I fixed a mocha latte with whipped cream. Something I looked forward to having but I was absolutely ready to cry out to God! I was in great need of that Jesus kind of peace. Yall know what I'm talking about. I just poured every emotion out that was weighing me down and asked that He take it far from me! Never is a time more sweet then when you spend it seeking the Lord. What kind of peace is better then that which God gives freely? None I tell you! This is the Word that came about, "And let the peace of God rule in your hearts..." Col 3:15

The times I allow myself to do it on my own and forsake the help of my Lord are the days when unrighteousness reigns throughout the day. When such things dwell we know there is no peace. No rest. So Isaiah 32:17 says "The work of righteousness will be peace. And the effect of righteousness, quietness and assurance forever." So, we give up our own ways and trade it in with prayer by asking the LORD to renew our hearts and minds and fill them with heavenly things. By doing this we know this is right. To proclaim our need for God because we sure can't do it alone. In this, we can rest in. We can rest in assurance and quietness. It goes on to say in Isaiah 32:18 "My people will dwell in a peaceful habitation. In secure dwellings, and in quiet resting places..." I can't say anything else but how beautiful it is to know this. All this being revealed in my time with the Lord. You can understand how comforting it was. So I'm glad to say that when we ask by faith we recieve.

So about after mid-day my "feelings" were more sustained then before. Now I'm going to confess that for a moment it just about all came back at dinnertime. I had prepared some chicken breasts with olive oil, garlic, and parsley with pasta. So what would we call this? Umm...Garlic Chicken pasta I guess. So as my wonderful husband of mine was fixing his plate he decides to add spaghetti sauce and cheese on his! I suppose you could say I overreacted. I remember making Garlic Chicken pasta NOT Chicken Parmigiana. I'll tell you the truth and that is everything that I asked the Lord to take away almost all came back. You see. I let it go and just kept myself together. I remembered what scripture says about these kinds of things "Do it again and see what happens..." I'm lying. It says "If it is possible, AS MUCH AS DEPENDS ON YOU, live peacably with all men." Romans 12:18 If you should pick to live peacably with someone. Live peacably with the one you love and live with!

Coffee with Matthew

I was all over it today! "What do you mean," you say. The new bag of Victor Allen's French Roast Beans that my husband blessed me with as a gift. Yes indeed, woke up and with a grin, opened up my beautiful card and gift. It was so thoughtful! I was so blessed. I can't say it enough. I often feel like I got the last of the good ones. My husband that is. I often catch myself thinking why no one else had married him before me. Then I remember...no one these days wants to enter a commitment at 18! But I was brave! Yes, me. I settled at 18 with the best of the best. I'm going to refrain from praising my husband so much though because I know he'll read this and I can imagine that he'll walk around more confident then he already does. Haha. He knows hes great though and I want him to know so.

Now back to the coffee, it was better then the last package I had which was on the low end of coffees but still good. Dunkin Donuts Morning Blend. I indulged myself and topped it with a dollop of whipped cream...yum. I got to some reading and like always very blessed by the words I had read. Matthew 20. Lots of "meat" in this chapter. Lots of things stood out too. I wish I could go on and on without interruptions, but that becomes impossible with four kids under 4. I love my kids though.

Matt 20:25-28. As Jesus was talking to the mother of Zebedee's sons. She was requesting that her two sons maybe be sat at the left and right side of Jesus in the kingdom. Well, let me tell you. It didn't even occur to me that I could even ask such a question. Thats a pretty big request. Maybe, I could ask our President if we could rent a suite in the White House? I, although, speak of heavenly things. So Jesus responds to them by asking them, symbolically, if they are able to be depised and die? They said "yes". Now how many of us are willing to serve and be faithful in service to the LORD knowing that we could die for it? Jesus then goes on to tell them that those are not His seats to give. They can be purchased for $250.00 a seat. Okay just kidding. Forgive me Lord! But that decision is that of Our Father in Heaven.

After this conversation Jesus spoke to both brothers concerning servanthood and leaders in the ministry. It is a sad thing when you see leaders in the ministry who are catered to when they themselves should be the servants of all. If you want to be great in the kingdom we must first be willing to be ministers, which simply means servants. Now this goes against everything Jesus said and was. Jesus said, "I didn't come to be ministered to, but to minister, and give my life as a ransom for many." Matt 20:28 As I would put it, if you think your first your actually last. Now, everyone of us has growing to do. Mature spiritually. Service doesn't depend on how spiritually mature we are. Service is something we do no matter how important we think we are. Pastors, elders, bishops, deacons, etc, etc. You should be the servants of all! So, thats the good Word and it's even more enjoyable while sipping my coffee!

All of the three spoonfuls

Now I know it's not the end of the world or anything but I did run out of coffee offically today! I will say it was a bittersweet moment. I very much looked forward to every last sip but wanted it to last longer. Oh well. This only means that I get to make a coffee run. I'm thinking that Victor Allen's French Roast is calling my name. I do think it's a waste knowing that I could get it for free but what do you do when your your brother says he'll send you some and it never arrives? You go and buy it yourself! My coffee seemed even more enjoyable as I talked to someone that I dearly miss. I have this little sister and she has amazed me thus far. Once being unsure, now being confident of who she is in Christ. As Hebrews 2:2 says "as newborn babes, desire the pure milk of the word, that you may grow thereby." She is a baby still desiring the truths of the Word. Seeing the growth of a young girl becoming a godly woman is a blessing to witness. I have seen this young girl go through the most unstable of situations to having trust in the one thing that could bring stability in her life. Thats Jesus Christ in her life. My heart is glad for her and only hopes that she would persevere in her walk with the LORD. I know that it gives God great joy to see a young lady seeking after him. I pray that she would to seek after the LORD and His will for her. She has been a blessing in our lives. By ours I mean my family. She loved nothing more then to spend time with my kids and bless my husband and I by watching them countless of times. She would keep me company when I needed it most. As some of us know spending time with 3 kids under 4 is a hard thing to do. I craved interaction with someone who I could converse with. This means me talking and them talking back while still understanding each other. It's so great! I have been blessed with fellowship with this young lady and I can just say I miss her as countless others I miss. She will always be apart of our family. I love you dearly sis...

What is this even about?

I thought I had a vision about what this blog could be about. You know how some people have themes? Well...I don't. I mean it's called Coffee With Sugar Please so I figured maybe talk about coffee? Talk about the best coffeehouses? That could be a good one. Except that I have four kids and a hard-working husband that works 12 hour days and paying off bills has left us with no coffee spending money. Then I realized that sipping coffee gets you to a relaxed state and you want to read, feel inspired, you think about different things in life. Today, my coffee took me to the state of thinking about my mom and family. You see, I rarely ever talk about my family. Many people would tell you so. I talked with my mama today and she told me things about her that I never knew. Like that she was the daughter of an affair. Her father came and went. She told me she only remembers seeing him 3 times in her life before he died. Someone had murdered him. She was only 10. She was the baby girl. She had told me about the day she married my dad and how her sister was the only present at her celebration. It reminded me of my wedding when my dad didn't show up. My brother walked me down. In which I am forever grateful for! Thinking about the things I didn't know about her or the lack of knowledge I have about either of my parents has made me wonder if I would have treated them any differently if I had known some things. I think theres so many stories I have yet to learn. Stories so fascinating I picture all the family sitting on the floor just listening and afterwards eating a tamales, frijoles (beans), arroz(rice), mole, tortillas, sopes, just the works! How little time we have. I do love my family very much. There are those who are harder to love then others but Jesus can show me how. I'm praying that my family does come to know the LORD. You see thats a secret too! I've asked, never got a straight forward answer. Only God knows but I would love to hear them openly profess that Jesus Christ is LORD!

In the beginning there was coffee,,,

And so it begins...coffeewithsugarplease. I'm going to openly profess I am NOT a coffee snob nor am I a real "serious" coffee drinker. I like mine to be half coffee half treat. I have had it black before. In my mind, I couldn't settle for this when it could be so much better! So now we've got our mochas, our lattes, our machiattos, you get it. Coffee for me, inspires me to do things. Things I love to do to this day.
Things to do while drinking coffee:
I feel the best reading my devotional while having my coffee. Especially in the morning! It's the best! I can also say I'm at my best when I start my morning like this. Now, if I don't have coffee it doesn't mean I don't do my devotional. Thats 15 hours of walking on egg shells with me. My day is just not the same. I am well aware of the difference in my days when I spend time with Jesus first then when I don't. My husband knows it and kids know it. Thats how obvious it is.
Drinking it while in good company. I haven't had a cup of coffee with someone in a real long time. I miss it dreadfully. At one point I would have coffee with three good girlfriends at the same time! That number is down to zero. Not zero friends. Zero times having coffee with good friends. I can't wait to meet new people. Drinking coffee when your bored. Get that caffiene stimulant going and you'll be finding all sorts of things to do. ATTENTION: You are responsible for the things you do and the things you say your willing to do. Drink responsibly.
Drink coffee with your significant other on a date! Haven't tried this and I probably won't because my husband and I, unfotunately, don't share this same interest. But we both like food!
You get the idea. Coffee can be the center that brings "happy" moments together. But after all of this, I will say, I'm glad for coffee and for the fact that God created trees that contained these beans.