A Green Season

I've been trying to use this space to write meaningful, inspiring, thought provoking ideas but it doesn't always happen that way. Sometimes I just need to write. I need to put my thoughts down because my brain has been overworked with difficulties, emotions, and unpleasing thoughts. I can't seem to sort out my thoughts within my own ability but to just put them down and talk myself through them. I have been put in a position in loving those who are difficult to love. Being easily frustrated and angry has become hard to be without falling into sin. My attitude has been everything but pleasing. That goes with everything that comes out of my mouth, my thoughts, my wicked intentions, and my actions. All these things because I'm dealing with jealousy (I didn't think I ever could be) I couldn't even figure out what the feeling was called because very rarely am I jealous. I've been nothing but anxious to leave where we are and have our own home. That way I can keep my home how I want it. Have over who I want over. Have our own rules. Just do whatever, whenever. The challenges since we've been living with the rents has put me in a place where I've had to do a character check. I'm being taught and tested, which is a great place to be when God is trying to reveal the unpleasing things within you only to bring forth fruit. I don't think any kind of "good" fruit has been produced just yet. I need all the prayers I can get. On a brighter note. There have been those joyful days within my trial. That is that another set of twins will be becoming apart of our lives. I am so excited for our adored ones in St. Paul. I always figured it takes a really called person to have twins. Only the ones that can handle it can join. Those my friends are not my words. I'm always humbled to think that God gave me such a big responsibility to be the caretaker of 4 children. I know I can within his strength. I fear to know that I am held accountable for the rearing, teaching, love, nurturing of my kids. It's a task. But, nothing that can't be accomplished correctly. As we speak, I am only eager to see green all over. A new season is what we need. Especially those who have had a difficult and event-filled one.

That Jesus Kind of Peace

Apparently my feelings had control over my day today. Sadly, but true. Although, I managed to make it better then letting it get worse. I woke up "feeling" irritated, lazy, slighty frustrated. You would think I would know to bend my knees and ask the Lord for peace. Heart and mind. I did not (right away). I think it took me up until mid-day sometime to grasp the idea that I probably should be in prayer. Like I said in my previous post. Me lacking time with Jesus is visiable to all who live with me and come around me. My heart goes out to my kids who have to witness my meltdowns. Ugh! It's pretty gross...my attitude. I'm useless as a mother when I allow my emotions get to me. Gladly, I requested that a sister of mine keep me accountable to the things that I needed to do so I could stop being lazy.

As three of the four kids were napping I fixed a mocha latte with whipped cream. Something I looked forward to having but I was absolutely ready to cry out to God! I was in great need of that Jesus kind of peace. Yall know what I'm talking about. I just poured every emotion out that was weighing me down and asked that He take it far from me! Never is a time more sweet then when you spend it seeking the Lord. What kind of peace is better then that which God gives freely? None I tell you! This is the Word that came about, "And let the peace of God rule in your hearts..." Col 3:15

The times I allow myself to do it on my own and forsake the help of my Lord are the days when unrighteousness reigns throughout the day. When such things dwell we know there is no peace. No rest. So Isaiah 32:17 says "The work of righteousness will be peace. And the effect of righteousness, quietness and assurance forever." So, we give up our own ways and trade it in with prayer by asking the LORD to renew our hearts and minds and fill them with heavenly things. By doing this we know this is right. To proclaim our need for God because we sure can't do it alone. In this, we can rest in. We can rest in assurance and quietness. It goes on to say in Isaiah 32:18 "My people will dwell in a peaceful habitation. In secure dwellings, and in quiet resting places..." I can't say anything else but how beautiful it is to know this. All this being revealed in my time with the Lord. You can understand how comforting it was. So I'm glad to say that when we ask by faith we recieve.

So about after mid-day my "feelings" were more sustained then before. Now I'm going to confess that for a moment it just about all came back at dinnertime. I had prepared some chicken breasts with olive oil, garlic, and parsley with pasta. So what would we call this? Umm...Garlic Chicken pasta I guess. So as my wonderful husband of mine was fixing his plate he decides to add spaghetti sauce and cheese on his! I suppose you could say I overreacted. I remember making Garlic Chicken pasta NOT Chicken Parmigiana. I'll tell you the truth and that is everything that I asked the Lord to take away almost all came back. You see. I let it go and just kept myself together. I remembered what scripture says about these kinds of things "Do it again and see what happens..." I'm lying. It says "If it is possible, AS MUCH AS DEPENDS ON YOU, live peacably with all men." Romans 12:18 If you should pick to live peacably with someone. Live peacably with the one you love and live with!